When God Created Fathers

When the good Lord was creating fathers
He started with a tall frame.
And a female angel nearby said,
"What kind of father is that?
If You're going to make children
so close to the ground,
why have You put fathers up so high?
He won't be able to
shoot marbles without kneeling,
tuck a child in bed without bending,
or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping."

And God smiled and said,
"Yes, but if I make him child-size,
whom would children have to look up to?"

And when God made a father's hands,
they were large and sinewy.
And the angel shook her head sadly and said,
"Do You know what You're doing?"
Large hands are clumsy.
They can't manage diaper pins,
small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails
or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats."

And God smiled and said,
"I know, but they're large enough to hold
everything a small boy empties from his
pockets at the end of a day,
yet small enough to cup
a child's face in his hands."

And then God molded long slim legs
and broad shoulders.
And the angel nearly had a heart attack.
"Boy, this is the
end of the week, all right." she clucked.
"Do You realize
You just made a father without a lap?
How is he going to
pull a child close to him
without the kid falling between his legs?"

And God smiled and said,
"A mother needs a lap.
A father needs strong shoulders
to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle,
or hold a sleepy head on the way home
from the circus."

God was in the middle of creating
two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen
when the angel could contain herself no longer.
"That's not fair.
Do You honestly think those
large boats are going to dig out of bed
early in the morning when
the baby cries?
Or walk through a small birthday party
without crushing at least three of the guests?"

And God smiled and said.
"They'll work. You'll see.
They'll support a small child
who wants to 'ride a horse to Banbury Cross,'
or scare off mice at the summer cabin,
or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."

God worked throughout the might,
giving the father few words,
but a firm, authoritative voice;
eyes that saw everything,
but remained calm and tolerant.

Finally, almost as an afterthought,
He added tears.
Then He turned to the angel and said,
"Now are you satisfied
that he can love as much as a mother?"
The angel shuteth up.
© Erma Bombeck

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